McD’s, McDoof, McDo . . . part II

Apparently, I am not the only one who has strong feelings about McDoof, as I have previously affectionately called it in the vernacular, the German Vernacular, that is. For those who missed my previous very enlightening comments, McDoof is roughly “McStupid” in German.

Since writing my last post, G added his comments about how people in sunny Spain view McD’s. He remarks that “McD's is first and foremost seen as an affront to their strong and rich culinary heritage. The fact that it hails from the Great Satan doesn't help it much either, though. The general perception, then, is quite negative, but this doesn't stop McD's from doing business here. The pull on children is too strong for a lot of parents to fight, and I think many young Spanish couples are more than happy to have a dining experience while their children swing around on -- well, things that are meant to be swung around on, rather than chairs, legs (table and human), ceiling fans, etc. That said, my wife, now 35, grew up not being allowed to go to McDonald's; she was to stay clear away, as if they were pool halls on the wrong side of the tracks.”

I truly hope that G. has rectified the lapses in his poor wife’s upbringing.

A, from I’m not sure where, also wanted us to know that she had a scintillating essay submitted in response to an assignment which required the student to “write about a product and the way it shapes the minds of people.” Here’s what she reported to all of us: “The student's answer was that the cheeseburger, defined by Wikipedia as a hamburger that contains cheese, is so popular because it is affordable, has many variations, and tastes great."

A, if you are reading this post, I want you to know that when it is time to go around the table tomorrow at our Thanksgiving celebration, that I, for one, plan to thank this student and subsequently you for reporting his findings as to what a cheeseburger is. Wiki does it again! I really never could have figured that out. Personally, I hate cheeseburgers. Having lived in Holland, chief exporting country of excellent cheese, I believe that what I know to be cheese tastes very different from the yellow goup on a cheeseburger (which I now know absolutely and definitively to be cheese, thanks to your student). I believe the cheese on cheeseburgers is remarkably akin to plastic, adds extra fat to an already calorie-laden burger, and looks nasty.

I would love to add a fourth reason, if convention allows, which is that my three preschool and elementary school children's thrill of anticipation quickly turned to tears the first time their grandmother gave them a "cheese treat" on a visit to America. The "cheese" turned out to be the aforementioned product instead of good ole Gouda. They falsely assumed they had to eat it, since Mama's rule, passed down from grandmother, was applicable 99% of the time: "You don't have to like it, you just have to eat it." This turned out to be the 1% exception that proved the rule. After that, I reminded them before every subsequent visit to relatives that "cheese" in America was not what was commonly known as "cheese" in Holland.

Meanwhile, I don’t remember how I got to this link, but for what it is worth, this website reveals such startling information about world-wide cultural adaptation of McDonalds, such as the "Bulgoki burger" in Korea, McSpaghetti in the Philippines, and the McChutney burger in Pakistan.

http://wwff.wordpress.com/2007/05/18/royale-with-cheese/

In response to my comments about the McChutney burger, E. reported that her personal favorites are the “McArabia from Dubai and the McTurco from Istanbul. Out of sheer morbid curiosity, my intrepid husband tried both, and both turned out to be the exact same McUnitentifiable-"lamb"-patty on stale pita. Haute cuisine, indeed."

E reports further that she “is not partial to Americheese, either, but readily admits it's better than the Indonesian interpretation of cheese.” She’s also “disappointed that her computer's spell-check does not recognize "’Americheese,’ as an actual word." E, this is an issue I plan to take up with the student whose essay on computers being so much better than dogs certainly qualifies him to explain. Personally, my dog recognizes Americheese as an edible substance, even if I do not. I’ll let you know what the expert student says when he responds.

After all this hard work, I'm thirsty. Wonder if I can find one of those green tea flurries somewhere?

McDoof—as it is Unaffectionately Known in the Vernacular

When people ask me about my job here in Germany, I have a lot of fun clarifying what I do. I explain about how interesting it is to click and receive an essay that might be from a developing student who is weak in her writing skills, but hoping nonetheless to get the help she needs to succeed in college. She might be in a remedial class or attending community college. I explain how delightful it is to see students learn to be their own best critics.

Or, I might get a very talented student who is submitting a literary analysis. I have a few stock examples of essays I have received to illustrate the broad palate. My friends usually say, "Wow. What a great idea. I wish that were available in German."

I also have a few stories absolutely guaranteed to make Germans double over in laughter. As background, Germans have a culture of eating which I have rarely seen in the U.S. We go to a restaurant and the table is ours for the evening. The waiter or waitress only comes to bring the menu, take our order and bring our food. Then the server MIGHT appear later to take away the dishes, but he or she fully expects that you would like to sit and enjoy the person you came with, and not be constantly interrupted by “Can I get you something else?” and other such not-so-subtle hints that really communicate, “Order, or leave. I want your tip, I want to quickly clean your table, and then I want someone who tips even better to sit here.”

Here you are at the restaurant for several hours, so you are left pretty much alone unless you signal. There is no pressure to give up the table.

That said, MacDonald's is seen as the absolute last resort of food choices among just about every person I have ever met. It is primarily frequented in a shopping center or by youth. My generation calls it “McDoof,” which, roughly translated, is “McStupid.” When a MacDonald's opens near a school, the public outcry is great.

So when I tell about how I got a persuasive essay one day on “MacDonald's—My Dream Job,” my friends laugh heartily. The student cited the variety in the menu, the free food, and the fact that he gets to see the same customers every day. Apparently this student doesn’t get out much. Variety? I remember telling Timothy that if every single option turned up negative, well, he could possibly consider McDoof as a summer job…

One of the very pleasant aspects of my job as an Internet tutor is the listserv, if you don’t mind weeding through about 100 emails a day (Most are, “Can you substitute? Help!”). Having 500 colleagues who have never met, are all earning low wages and have few prospects of either of these things ever changing tends to produce honesty and, on occasion a good laugh. The threads on the listserv range from “Does anyone know the grammatical rule for …” to “What if the student’s paper is absolutely impossible?”

So when tutor M., writing from California, wrote about her student’s paper on McDonald’s, I couldn’t help but respond with the story I’ve just written. A., chiming in from Japan, told us that, “Here in Tokyo the restaurants are similar - little to no turnover in one evening - 7:30pm to midnight is average dining time. The McDonalds, however, is popular for its teriyaki burger and green-tea McFlurry. This is the country that produces students who think that Americans have no culture! Harumpf!"

M., who started this discussion on McDo quite inadvertently, told us her student was not to be persuaded that perhaps her logic wasn’t watertight. The student wrote on the merits of exporting McDonald’s to Malawi. Now I’m sure the Malawians are just waiting with baited breath for McDoof to get there (if it hasn’t already). After all, this student has great reasoning: “Having a McDonald's in Malawi would entice tourists to visit it because of their longing for U.S. food,” reported M. Her response? She commented, “I know that can happen while traveling, but somehow, I didn't think a longing for Mc Do (as the French call it) would fit the profile of tourists to Malawi.” The student’s other two reasons were equally incontrovertible: “McDonald’s is good for you because they have apples,” and “Little kids love it.” No comment.

This student essay ranks right up there with the student I whose essay I clicked on a couple of months ago. He submitted a compare and contrast essay on "Owning a computer is better than owning a dog." One of his reasons was that you can use the computer to help in your studies, but you have to take the dog for walks. Of course. I've never known a dog good for anything in education except eating homework. Brilliant.

I think I'll rename my dog "Compaq." She's whining to go out. Maybe we’ll take a tram and head over to McDoof. I’m having a Mac Attack.