McDoof—as it is Unaffectionately Known in the Vernacular

When people ask me about my job here in Germany, I have a lot of fun clarifying what I do. I explain about how interesting it is to click and receive an essay that might be from a developing student who is weak in her writing skills, but hoping nonetheless to get the help she needs to succeed in college. She might be in a remedial class or attending community college. I explain how delightful it is to see students learn to be their own best critics.

Or, I might get a very talented student who is submitting a literary analysis. I have a few stock examples of essays I have received to illustrate the broad palate. My friends usually say, "Wow. What a great idea. I wish that were available in German."

I also have a few stories absolutely guaranteed to make Germans double over in laughter. As background, Germans have a culture of eating which I have rarely seen in the U.S. We go to a restaurant and the table is ours for the evening. The waiter or waitress only comes to bring the menu, take our order and bring our food. Then the server MIGHT appear later to take away the dishes, but he or she fully expects that you would like to sit and enjoy the person you came with, and not be constantly interrupted by “Can I get you something else?” and other such not-so-subtle hints that really communicate, “Order, or leave. I want your tip, I want to quickly clean your table, and then I want someone who tips even better to sit here.”

Here you are at the restaurant for several hours, so you are left pretty much alone unless you signal. There is no pressure to give up the table.

That said, MacDonald's is seen as the absolute last resort of food choices among just about every person I have ever met. It is primarily frequented in a shopping center or by youth. My generation calls it “McDoof,” which, roughly translated, is “McStupid.” When a MacDonald's opens near a school, the public outcry is great.

So when I tell about how I got a persuasive essay one day on “MacDonald's—My Dream Job,” my friends laugh heartily. The student cited the variety in the menu, the free food, and the fact that he gets to see the same customers every day. Apparently this student doesn’t get out much. Variety? I remember telling Timothy that if every single option turned up negative, well, he could possibly consider McDoof as a summer job…

One of the very pleasant aspects of my job as an Internet tutor is the listserv, if you don’t mind weeding through about 100 emails a day (Most are, “Can you substitute? Help!”). Having 500 colleagues who have never met, are all earning low wages and have few prospects of either of these things ever changing tends to produce honesty and, on occasion a good laugh. The threads on the listserv range from “Does anyone know the grammatical rule for …” to “What if the student’s paper is absolutely impossible?”

So when tutor M., writing from California, wrote about her student’s paper on McDonald’s, I couldn’t help but respond with the story I’ve just written. A., chiming in from Japan, told us that, “Here in Tokyo the restaurants are similar - little to no turnover in one evening - 7:30pm to midnight is average dining time. The McDonalds, however, is popular for its teriyaki burger and green-tea McFlurry. This is the country that produces students who think that Americans have no culture! Harumpf!"

M., who started this discussion on McDo quite inadvertently, told us her student was not to be persuaded that perhaps her logic wasn’t watertight. The student wrote on the merits of exporting McDonald’s to Malawi. Now I’m sure the Malawians are just waiting with baited breath for McDoof to get there (if it hasn’t already). After all, this student has great reasoning: “Having a McDonald's in Malawi would entice tourists to visit it because of their longing for U.S. food,” reported M. Her response? She commented, “I know that can happen while traveling, but somehow, I didn't think a longing for Mc Do (as the French call it) would fit the profile of tourists to Malawi.” The student’s other two reasons were equally incontrovertible: “McDonald’s is good for you because they have apples,” and “Little kids love it.” No comment.

This student essay ranks right up there with the student I whose essay I clicked on a couple of months ago. He submitted a compare and contrast essay on "Owning a computer is better than owning a dog." One of his reasons was that you can use the computer to help in your studies, but you have to take the dog for walks. Of course. I've never known a dog good for anything in education except eating homework. Brilliant.

I think I'll rename my dog "Compaq." She's whining to go out. Maybe we’ll take a tram and head over to McDoof. I’m having a Mac Attack.